I love to travel. Okay, let me rephrase that. If I could, I would love to travel. Right now, I manage a trip to HEB on my yellow bicycle. That’s about as exciting as it gets. But in my fantasy life, the one where I am the Queen of the World (yes, that’s a real title, my daughter Libby thinks she holds it), I regularly board planes, trains, automobiles, and ships (especially ships) to see the world’s best destinations. Here are my top five list of places in the world to visit, based on nothing but sheer fantasy:
1. Middle Earth. Who wouldn’t want to go there, now that Sauron has been defeated? The grass is ridiculously green, lovely music seems to follow one everywhere, and Rivendell has the most beautiful furniture ever beheld by man (because it’s made by elves). Granted, one must watch for huge spiders and scary fire monsters, but if one travels expeditiously, with a wise and beautiful elf 9preferably Legolas) as guide, one can behold many wonders such as walking,talking trees all whilst enjoying a pint (they’re really big!)
2. Bora Bora- do I need to even explain? Look at the picture. The entire culture is built around water leisure. They even build hotel rooms right on the water! There are fish of many colors, sharks, rays, and coconuts. Where there are coconuts, I imagine there is rum. And pretty Polynesian men to bring you the rum. Apparently, when WWII ended, some American military folks lucky enough to be stationed there just didn’t come home. Of course they didn’t. I am pretty sure if I ever get there, I won’t come home either. I will float on the turquoise water and play with dolphins and sing “Bali Hai.”
3. I know I am a grown woman, but I have never been to Disney World. I want to go so badly it almost hurts. I want to ride the tea cups and find Mickey and wear ears on my head. I will stand in line to do Magic Mountain and pay whatever exorbitant fee they charge for a hamburger. I will wave at the parade and marvel at the fireworks and palace light show and listen to jazz on Main Street. I will behold the wonder of Epcot and snorkel in Shark Reef! I was never much of a Disney kid. Raising my kids, I discovered the magic of Walt Disney. I want to take my family there!
4. New Orleans, but not for Mardi Gras. I have no desire to catch cheap plastic beads or be trampled by sweaty drunks. No, what I want is to see vampires and witches! Everyone knows that this is where the vamps live. Louis and Lestat, Bill and Eric and Pam, the Mayfair family- all in the Big Easy. Now, I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the Haitian voodoo, maybe it’s the gorgeous architecture. I want to walk the Garden District and smell the magnolia blossoms and eat beignets. I want to find ghosts and visit old Catholic churches and dress like a southern belle to go to the jazz clubs. I don’t want to see a single structure that predates 1920. Most of all, I want to meet the glorious people of New Orleans. I hear they are truly hospitable.
5. Okay, okay. I know that technically, I have been to London. But it almost doesn’t count. I was there to study, and spent 80 % of my waking hours in classes (which were fantastic, but that is not the point). I am an Anglophile. I love England. I love its long history. I love its queen. I do not love its food, but I do think the best hard cider I have ever had was in a little boat bar on the Thames. I got about two hours in the Tower of London, I didn’t get to go inside St. Paul’s or Westminster or Kensington Palace or Herrod’s. Or Baker Street. Worst of all, I didn’t have Travis. So I want another London trip, where we can see every bloody castle and museum, have groundling spots at the Globe, and take a day trip to see Stonehenge. I want to ride the Eye and explore Chelsea. And I want to see if I can maintain my standard British accent all day without getting caught! And most of all, I want to see the queen, even if it’s from her balcony. And she will see me in the crowd and she will realize my love for England and she will adopt me as her ward and make me her heir.
I told you in the beginning I want to be Queen of the World, but really, I’d settle for the United Kingdom!